Missing You

It’s been a while since I last wrote to my blog, which is a shame to be honest. Because I like writing. It sets my mind free and it’s a great way for me to express myself. So tonight I will put my thoughts into words.

It’s eating me up inside and I have to let it out. I miss you. Most of you know who I mean, especially you. You know who I mean. Remember the day we were in Artis together? Do you remember the joke you told me right after walking through the zoo’s entrance? Thinking of it makes me laugh out loud while sitting behind my pc at home, writing this haha. I’m not sure if I should tell the joke, I will maybe do that on another blog post after you have read this one and gave approval haha. Anyway, let me continue. You live in Indonesia and I live in Holland. We fell in love and followed our hearts. I followed you to Indonesia and married you there. We were Inseparable, together 24/7. We had a blast in Indonesia, in Bali and flew back to Amsterdam together. We went to my place and spent 2 months in NL together after being in Indonesia for a month. We went to Greece, Crete and Santorini for a week and had an amazing time together! The first night we arrived we went to the boulevard and had dinner on the beach. Sitting next to the ocean having dinner on the beach with the most amazing woman I have ever met. My life couldn’t be any better. I will never forget that view. I still have a picture of you from that night that I love, but I know you don’t like it so I won’t post it. I’ve sent you the picture on Whatsapp, you’ll think it’s super random. But after reading this it’ll make sense, just wanted you to know that I think you look super cantik on that picture and that I look at that picture whenever missing you gets too much.

Before I met you,  the last time I traveled outside of NL was in 2013 when I went to the USA to spend 3 months with my family there. I didn’t travel for 2 reasons, the first one is money. I didn’t earn that much as a personal trainer, but when I started to see a little raise in my salary my back gave in and I had to stop working as a personal trainer. I had two surgeries on my back and my back is still weak at this day. I still feel nerve pain daily and sometimes my hip and lower back still cramp up and my whole right leg loses strength. You don’t hear me speak of it that often anymore because the pain has almost become normal to me.. So there’s the money problem, no money for traveling. And then the back problem that kept me from traveling. But when you came along, I forgot all of my problems and I chased you all the way to Indonesia. You made me feel alive again, and I thank you for it! I love you till the day I die, and will forever stand by your side. Through thick and thin, through good and bad, I am forever yours.

On the 27th of July 2018 you flew back to Indonesia, without me. Not because we wanted it, but because of your visa. And let me tell you this.. Not being with you sucks. It tears me down and breaks me apart. Not being able to hold you whenever I want is the worst feeling in the world. Luckily we live in such modern days that even while we are so far apart, we can still stay in touch through videochats, phonecalls and texts. But it’s not the same. You’re not here when I go to bed in the evening and you’re not here when I wake up in the morning. But even while you’re not here, you’re still the first and the last thing that I see when I wake up. I imagine you in my head, laying there in my bed, sleeping peacefully. Do you even know how cute you look when you sleep? With your arms above your head? haha, its so cute ! haha, love you ❤ I got pictures of you sleeping like that too, but I won’t post those haha. Don’t worry ;p

It’s hard to be separated from the ones that you love, especially when love runs as deep as ours. It makes you feel lonely and empty inside, not in the mood to do things and not really enjoying life. I can’t wait till the day that we are reunited and I can hold you again, so we can fully enjoy life again, together as one. Stay strong my sweet sweet love, we will see each other soon!

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